Thank you to all of you who posted comments last week. I was going to come back on the 15th and post a little something, but I just couldn't. I don't know why, but even on my own blog, I remained silent. Maybe because writing is so personal for me, as it was for my Dad. Writing on that day just seemed impossible. Granted I had inadvertently filled my schedule with appointments and functions as to avoid moments when my mind could settle on the subtle reminders of my dad. But I still could not escape. I may have told you this before, but I never deleted my dad's number from my phone. And on Wednesday, I was scrolling through my phone book looking for a friend's number when I saw his. I almost dialed it just to see if he would answer.
Maybe it's all been some kind of weird dream. If that were the case though, it would mean the last year never happened, which would mean that my daughter, Madison, would not exist. You know what kills me? He didn't even know she existed. She wasn't conceived until after he passed. Granted right after he passed, but still. His eighth and probably final grandchild would come into the world unbeknown to him. Of course none of my kids will remember him. Even if they had seen him daily, which they didn't, they would still have no recollection of David Foster, though there are many ties to him.
My oldest shares Dad's middle name, Crawford. On the same day we went in for our big sonogram, Dad found out his had cancer. Two days after Owen was born, my dad had his kidney removed. Blake, my middle child, shares many of Dad's facial features, definitely a Foster child. I see Dad every time I look at him, especially when he is in time out. He inherited Dad's "eat shit" look. And my youngest, little Madison, was conceived in the wake of his death. It's a really good thing I don't believe in reincarnation. Although wouldn't that be hell for Daddy, to come back as his daughter's daughter. Talk about karma (which I don't believe in either).
Some of you have sent me personal emails, which I love to read, and have asked me about how I dealt with my dad's death at the time. I blogged. This weekend I went back through all my posts and tagged the ones that talked about Dad. If you'd like to read about it, you may. My blog is www.hillsofchoas.blogspot.com. On the right hand side is a list of labels (tags). Just click on "Dad".
My mother was diagnosed with renal cancer at age 63. At the time of diagnosis it was determined that she had the disease for around a year. In stage IV it was found that it had spread to the pelvic region, was 6 cm in size, inside the kidney. How she discovered was that it was protruding out of the kidney causing pain the low back area. She kept going to a chiropractor until he made things worse. All along she felt so tired and so blah. Her iron was low and she was cold all of the time. Doctors attributed that to her bad heart and the iron as just anemia. All along the tumor was taking blood and that is why surgery was not an option. She had it too many other spots I suppose and they said she would have needed more than 8 pints of blood in surgery. If you feel any of those symptoms of being tired and not yourself, get your doctor to look into things more deeply. If she had, she might have caught it in stage 1 or 2 with a higher chance of survival.
Posted by: Findyourdrug.com | August 12, 2011 at 11:56 AM
My daughter inherited a lot of her grandpa's looks too. She'll never know what a good man he was either. It's heart breaking. I often wonder how much he would have adored her little smiling face.
Posted by: CAPlastic Surgeon | September 11, 2010 at 06:15 PM
Hello just to let you know it has been two years now and we still are reading. Your dad has touched and still is touching so many of us. My dad too has this curse and has been fighing it for two years now. I hope that you will write more as I like to know that you are still here for us. Two years now. Hope to see you on again.
Thanks you and God Bless,
Christie
Posted by: Christie | May 26, 2010 at 06:15 PM
Nice post. Well written. I like your writing style. I am new to your blog and I am linking a lot to be here.
Keep posting more and do keep in touch.
Regards,
http://www.empowereddoctor.com/cancer-treatment
Posted by: Cancer Cure | April 27, 2010 at 08:30 AM
You probably weren't thinking this blog would ever get checked again but I wanted to say thanks to you, your mother, and your father for sharing your journey. My father was diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer 4 days ago and I'm learning everything I can, everywhere I can. Some people prefer ignorance. For myself, if this disease is going to take my father, I am going to know every last stinking detail about it and read every story I can. Your father was a special man. God Bless all of you. Jeanette
Posted by: jeanette in wa | March 02, 2010 at 01:15 PM
Here is some additional information about the "genetics" of this condition that was written by our Genetic Counselor and other genetic professionals: http://www.accessdna.com/condition/Kidney_Cancer/216. I hope it helps. Thanks, AccessDNA
Posted by: Lawrence | January 01, 2010 at 05:19 PM
very nice post !!!!!!
Posted by: Cancer Diseases | November 07, 2009 at 01:04 PM
Ken,
My dad, the author of this blog, died on April
15th, 2008. I no longer upkeep the blog, other than a random port here and
there. It's basically there for people who want to continue to read about
my Dad's battle. I wouldn't even know how to post your link.
Good luck.
Hillary Pennington
The Hills of Chaos: www.hillsofchaos.blogspot.comMore
Than Moms: www.morethanmomsmd.blogspot.comMy
Political Rants: www.pvrc.wordpress.com
Posted by: Hillary Pennington | October 01, 2009 at 09:51 PM
Hi,
My name is Ken, www.beatrcc.com is my blog，this blog was built up to record my father's kidney cancer and share information with other patients, I found your blog is great and informative, there's so much I can learn from you. I'm wondering if it's possible to be my friend link site, I have added your site on my page. I found you email account has been disabled, so I left this comment here.
sorry about disturbing.
Sincerely Regards,
Ken
Posted by: ken | October 01, 2009 at 05:49 AM
Even if it's a year later, I am sorry to read that your Dad passed away. From his picture here on the blog and the blog's title, I get the feeling that he was a happy and determined individual. I'm sure you miss him very much. Even though his grandkids may not remember him, it's encouraging to note that he lives on through them. I work for icyou.com, a user-generated website dedicated to balanced health care knowledge through videos. We'd love for you to share your Dad's story on our website through video, if possible. It's free, and we can upload them for you. At any rate, come check us out for any health inquiries you may have. I loved reading your posts and am eager to read the next one.
Posted by: Kevin McCarthy | July 07, 2009 at 12:37 PM
Your Dad must be smiling down on you so proudly for the wonderful job you have done in carrying on his blog. You are very talented indeed!
Difficult to believe that it's been a year since your Dad's passin. His inspiration and courage still lives on in other cancer patients and caregivers and he will most definitely not be forgotten.
I am soooo very proud to say that I had the honor to know him through his blog and personal emails. What a wonderful person is was!!!
God Bless,
Debbie
Posted by: Debbie | May 15, 2009 at 06:39 AM