Today I went to the to doc for fluids. He felt me up a bit and sent me for a CT. Back at his office he told me I have way too much fluid on my abdomen and, ready for this?, was not sure the abdominal fluid was (is) connected to the swelling in my legs, at least directly. And it all gets just a little complicated.
My belly was full. No doubt about it and they elected to drain off as much as possible this afternoon, which they did. More than a liter of cloudy, yellow fluid that barely allowed me to bend over. As for the legs, that does appear a different issue all the way around, perhaps more associated with the tumor/blood clot in the vena cava. Even the way it feels is different. The stomach was distended, looked like a basketball, not a bit of elasticity. And was just uncomfortable, not necessarily painful. The legs were (are) swollen, hard and heavy. They feel like clay and wherever a hand touches them, a print remains for some while. Now, here is the big difference: The abdomen swelling is almost all the fault of the liver. It just can't deal with all the stuff in my body. There could be other causes, but the doc is betting on that one. The swelling in my legs may be the fault of the vena cava, a direct result of a tumor, the first I have heard of since I have been sick. Anyway, they believe the only real treatment for the legs is continuing with the Torisel. All in all a good day to find out what is going on; not so good for the prospects of feeling a lot better sooner. Bummmmmm-er!
We also made another adjustment. I will be joining a fitness center next week for three days a week of light exercise. I gotta do something about the weakness in my limbs and PT and home exercise just isn't doing it. When I got home tonight from the hospital, I slipped on some decorative pine straw in the front yard. That meant sending out for a firm arm to help me up. I do not believe this weakness is in anyway helping my illness. It is embarrassing, demeaning and just erodes your self image, not to mention your morale. This time I think we will get it fixed. Doc did ask if I were up to it and I said it is not a matter of am I up to it, but can I afford to go on like this. I don't think so. I feel like the pioneers, under attack from every direction and the one thing I can take in hand is my physical strength. Sure, I could do more at home, but home is very lonely. I do best around other people, hence the fitness center.
So, one week after getting home from the hospital, another needle invades my body, takes out fluid that should have been helping live a better life. What a pain in the ass.
So, is this Warrior depressed? Sounds like it and I do have to admit to bit after I fell and needed help getting up, but the bigger picture is much brighter. Intuition still maintains we are a long way from dead. Intellect is convinced we are doing the best we can and our age turning the ship is neither easy nor fast. David Foster understands that. But today the doctor and I did something we have never done before. Man to man. Doctor to patient. We are going to get this whole business back on a positive track. I am going fly-fishing in April, take the doc with me. My medical team is learning I am not a super man, regardless of what I say. When I left the hospital this evening I sang "Itsy Bitsy Spider." Because it is once again back up the water spout even if can't stand on my own. It's an attitude, man, nothing more and little less. But after the last three weeks, I feel I have little else to stand on. So, by God, that is exactly what I am going to stand on. Not for the Gipper, but for my wife, children, friends, readers and anybody else who cares. But damn, that is one long water pipe.
Love the attitude Dave. Wish I could be there to lend some support, however small.
Haven't heard from you in a while so here is my blog link. Hope it gets to you. Take care, you hear?
http://kidneycancerfighter.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Manuel | March 13, 2008 at 12:02 AM
Dear Dave, Thanks for posting and keeping us informed...I check everytime I am on the computer to see if you have given an update. My prayers are with you, may your body and strength be renewed as you chat away with someone in PT. We are all pulling for you!!!
Posted by: Robbie | March 12, 2008 at 08:03 PM