It drives Sherry nuts. I mean, seriously, this is a serious subject. I literally don't know hour to hour if I am going to eat the next meal and just the thought of some foods puts me off. This is a real conundrum. Friday, Sherry fixed a beautiful salad for dinner, but I just didn't have the appetite for more than two bites; Saturday she whipped up stewed okra and tomatoes (plus sliced tomatoes, onions and cukes, rice and corn-on-the-cob). When she suggested it earlier in the day, I thought it was a great idea. A magnificent summer time Southern dinner. But when I sat down to dine, I only took a few small bites and I was done. No gusto at all. I just didn't want the food. And she, in turn, was, well, pissed off.
While both she and I know there is little, if anything, I can do about my appetite, except take another drug to make it artificially better, it has become a cancer wedge neither of us can help. Sherry wants to have a good healthy dinner for the family, she wants me to help eat it (for health as well as social reasons). But two or three times a week I just ain't up to it. Worse, I have no idea which days that will happen. And you can imagine how it goes down when I say, "Hey, that would be great," and then not eat it, not even try. Most of the time this has nothing to do with nausea--I just am not hungry. But it is just as frustrating to me. I know the value of Sherry (and all other caregivers), how much love and support she (and they) has put into my (other Warrior's) recovery. But even a saint gets a little exasperated once in a while. And the longer the cancer issues go on, the more exasperated they can get for her. And that, in turn, affects the Warrior's attitude and not for the better.
Curses.
But we Warriors might remember that cancer tries our caregivers in ways we don't necessarily think about. We know they care, we know they are worried and, the longer it all goes on, especially if the Warrior's cancer is in something of a healthy balance (nothing growing; nothing shrinking; still on serious drugs) the more wearying it can all be. Further, an evening meal should be a time of normalcy, when we should all have a moment or two outside the cloying web of cancer. Therefore, sometimes that frustration is vocalized. It is not selfishness when they become frustrated, even when they show that frustration. They are human beings with a ton of pressure. And like you, they just wish this business was over--and by over I mean the two of you enjoying a plate of stewed okra and tomatoes and a real conversation.
Last night Sherry vented a bit to me and a lot to her friend Nancy. Today I was hungry and we had a very nice lunch topped off with a super conversation. Tonight hamburgers and I going to make it a point to eat. And Sherry has offered a compromise, which is certainly reasonable (if not obvious): If I don't feel like eating, then she will make me a cold plate. And if I do feel like eating, welcome to the table (rather than being admonished for not eating). Drink some tea and let's talk about the day. Just talking to my happy lady is worth the finest meal served anywhere in the world. Especially when we don't talk about the side effects of cancer and how they sometimes ruin my appetite. We shall see how this one works out. But smooth dinners ahead for the foreseeable future.
I hope.
Curses.
(Note: the burgers were good and I ate half that dinner. But I had to work at it. And I don't like having to work at eating, nor do I like seeing the disappointment in both Sherry's and Alex's faces. Any suggestions?)
Dave, Just read your blog on eating. I too am on Sutent and do not have an appetite. I am a 52 year old female just diagx in March and I have a met on my collarbone. Eating has always been one of my main pleasures in life. Social eating has been the mainstay of lunch.. But now I can't even think about what to eat. I was off for two weeks and did not get my tastebuds back all the way. Last night my husband brought dinner home. He was excited because my kids are at camp and he was expecting me to really enjoy the tuna fish sandwich (which normally I love). He also brought two nice deserts and I could not eat. I could see the letdown on his face. I even felt guilty. Just goes to show that the simple things in life are what people thrive on. I do hope the taste buds are not gone forever. Thanks for writing about the simple things in that for now are not to be for me and to know that others are being effected in this simple yet profound way.
Blessings!
Robbie
Posted by: Robbie Edwards | June 20, 2007 at 11:15 AM
I'm experiencing the same thing Sherry does. My husband Mike does the same thing as you do. I never know when he feels like eating and it frustrates me especially when I think he should be eating to stay healthy, strong, and continue his fight. I used to get mad when I'd fix a nice meal and all he will eat is peanut butter crackers or nothing at all. I have come to this conclusion... If peanut butter between two saltine crackers is what he wants at that moment then I'll fix it. If he wants just an Italian Ice because it's the only thing that tastes good then he gets that. I'll spoil him while I can.
Thanks, Patsy
Posted by: Patsy | June 20, 2007 at 09:45 AM
I've been there.
That period passed and I found a food I could eat.
I liked it so much that I ate it often and gained 15 pounds.
I have much more strength now and I feel better.
But it would be easy to slip back into not eating and then get weaker.
Hopefully, you will find a food that you don't mind eating.
I walk more, not far, around the block.
One thing I have found out about cancer is that one day I can feel like death is on my front doorstep and I can't go on.
I tell myself I will feel beter tomorrow.
The next day its a new ball game and I feel a little better.
I don't know why, but its like that.
So if someone is having a low energy day, just rememmber that they will feel beter tomorrow.
Keep your chin up and don't give up, Don't ever give up!
Best Regards,
Kent
Posted by: Kent Wheeler | June 20, 2007 at 01:42 AM